If We Controlled Your Remote… 6/15/18

Have you ever been at a loss as to what to watch? Too many shows to pick from? We’re here to give you our opinions on what we feel is worth watching. Check it out and then let us know in the comments below what you’re choosing for tonight!

Phoebe’s Choice

Syfy debuts season 4 of 12 Monkeys tonight, and you better hold on to your era-appropriate hats because it’ll all be over in three weeks. Talking time is always confusing with this show that revolves around time travel and a war to constantly nudge history by two opposing sides: the Army of the Twelve Monkeys and the inventor of the time travel machine: Dr. Katarina Jones. But this year they will be dropping 3 episodes at a time, over three weekends, as they continue to experiment with tight summer schedules. This show has been brilliant from the jump and is easily the best reboot this side of Karate Kid Cobra Kai.

Last year’s finale opened with two young children ghost hunting in a haunted mausoleum, where they found Jennifer Goines. Jennifer was waiting for a dying man. Far in the past in 1881, Cole and Cassie finally caught up to the timespace that their son Athan was in before he chose to go back to the future and assume his destiny as the foretold Witness. All three were wearing those neato time travel jackets, and a cat and mouse chase across time ended with all three of them stranded in “the house” in 1959 – the paradoxical point outside of timespace where he was conceived, which should no longer exist because of changes to the fabric of reality.

In the 2140s, Jones had 12 Monkeys lieutenant Olivia imbibe the magic tea leaves from the red forest to enter a vision state to figure where in time they were. She was determined to stop the Witness. He told her his location, knowing the Army would come for him if they knew where he was. As Olivia came out of the vision, the Witness revealed itself to her, unmasking and showing their true identity. Aided by her daughter and the remnants of the Daughters an old form of Jennifer once led, Jones surrounded Cole, Cassie, & Athan, threatening them at gun point. She wryly pointed out in one of the best lines of the season, “What happens next, happens last.”

During that standoff, a lightning storm erupted, announcing the arrival of time-traveling city from the year 3000 and home base to the Army of the 12 Monkeys: Titan. Inside the house, we got a Mexican standoff: two moms, one dad, a son, and a daughter all pointing guns at each other. Athan got shot in the chest, but the time travel jacket got him out before he had time to die. In the temple of the Monkeys, Olivia killed the Pallid man, thusly ascending to the highest rank in their hierarchy. We were then shown how “recently” she had escaped holding in Jones’s compound and killed Deacon in the process. She was told by Jones, “The Witness is dead,” as she’d just shot Athan. After a moment of shitty diatribe, Olivia stabbed (killed?) Jones.

Jennifer finally got the dying man she was waiting for when Athan arrived in her mausoleum. She nursed him back to health, and he returned to rescue Cole & Cassie, only to be slashed by Olivia. After, he revealed she was always meant to be the one behind the mask, the true Witness. After that, all of the “good guys” time ported out. We ended the season with Cole as a child in 2015. A slip of paper with the iconic image of an ouroboros drawn on it, (a snake in a circle eating its own tail). Cole’s father mentioned Cole’s mother.

I can’t wait to see where this season goes, and we won’t have to wait long to see. I know they are daring to go even further in the past than last season’s use of Victorian England. And Jennifer is going to make some huge changes and impacts based on an interview I read recently. Just gotta get me one of them nifty time travel jackets, and I’ll be set.

On tonight’s first episode, “The End,” the final conflict with the Army of the 12 Monkeys begins when the Witness returns to Project Splinter. Then on the second episode, “Ouroboros,” Travelers come face to face with ghosts from their past when they find themselves maneuvering around their own timelines. Finally, on the third episode, “45 RPM,” Cassie travels back in time to confront a younger Olivia while Cole helps Jennifer find the meaning behind her final Primary vision.

Don’t miss the first three episodes of the final season tonight on Syfy starting at 8/7c.

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Thursday on TV – 6/14/18

Season Premiere

  • Alone – History Channel @ 10/9c
  • Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce (#501) – Bravo @ 10/9c
  • Goliath (#201-208) – Amazon @ 3:01AM/2:01AMc (Complete Second Season Premiere)
  • Marlon (#203/204) – NBC @ 9/8c & 9:30/8:30c (2 New Episodes Including Season Premiere)
  • Queer Eye – Netflix @ 3:01AM/2:01AMc (Complete Seventh Season Premiere)
  • The Ranch – Netflix @ 3:01AM/2:01AMc (Season 3 Part 1 Premiere)

New

  • American Woman (#102) – Paramount @ 10/9c
  • Beat Bobby Flay – Food Network @ 10/9c
  • Conan – TBS @ 11/10c
  • Ex on the Beach (#109) – MTV @ 9/8c
  • Growing Up Hip Hop (#404) – WE @ 9/8c
  • Jersey Shore Family Vacation (#112) – MTV @ 8/7c
  • Jimmy Kimmel Live – ABC @ 11:35/10:35c
  • Late Night with Seth Meyers – NBC @ 12:36AM/11:36PMc
  • Little Big Shots (#308) – NBC @ 8/7c
  • Lip Sync Battle (#411) – Paramount @ 10:30/9:30c
  • Live PD (#152/153/154/155) – A&E @ 9/8c, 9:31/8:31c, 10:02/9:02c, & 10:33/9:33c (4 New “Police Patrol” Episodes)
  • Marvel’s Cloak & Dagger (#1003) – Freeform @ 8/7c
  • Mysteries at the Museum (#2002) – Travel Channel @ 9/8c
  • Nashville (#610) – CMT @ 9/8c
  • RuPaul’s Drag Race (#1012) – VH1 @ 8/7c (90-Minute New Episode)
  • RuPaul’s Drag Race: Untucked (#612) – VH1 @ 9:30/8:30c (30-Minute New Episode)
  • Southern Charm (#511) – Bravo @ 9/8c
  • Swamp Mysteries with Troy Landry (#102) – History Channel @ 9/8c
  • The Carbonaro Effect (#V705) – TruTV @ 10/9c
  • The Four: Battle for Stardom (#FOU-203/04) – FOX @ 8/7c (2-Hour New Episode)
  • The Late Late Show with James Corden – CBS @ 12:37AM/11:37PMc
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert – CBS @ 11:35/10:35c
  • The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon – NBC @ 11:34/10:34c
  • *New*Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen (#15098) – Bravo @ 11/10c

ABC

  • *New*Jimmy Kimmel Live @ 11:35/10:35c

CBS

  • *New*The Late Show with Stephen Colbert @ 11:35/10:35c
  • *New*The Late Late Show with James Corden @ 12:37AM/11:37PMc

FOX

  • *New*The Four: Battle for Stardom (#FOU-203/04) @ 8/7c (2-Hour New Episode)

NBC

  • *New*Little Big Shots (#308) @ 8/7c
  • *Season Premiere*Marlon (#203/204) @ 9/8c & 9:30/8:30c (2 New Episodes Including Season Premiere)
  • *New*The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon @ 11:34/10:34c
  • *New*Late Night with Seth Meyers @ 12:36AM/11:36PMc

A&E

  • *New*Live PD (#152/153/154/155) @ 9/8c, 9:31/8:31c, 10:02/9:02c, & 10:33/9:33c (4 New “Police Patrol” Episodes)

Amazon

  • *Season Premiere*Goliath (#201-208) @ 3:01AM/2:01AMc (Complete Second Season Premiere)

Bravo

  • *New*Southern Charm (#511) @ 9/8c
  • *Season Premiere*Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce (#501) @ 10/9c
  • *New*Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen (#15098) @ 11/10c

CMT

  • *New*Nashville (#610) @ 9/8c

Food Network

  • *New*Beat Bobby Flay @ 10/9c

Freeform

  • *New*Marvel’s Cloak & Dagger (#1003) @ 8/7c

History Channel

  • *New*Swamp Mysteries with Troy Landry (#102) @ 9/8c
  • *Season Premiere*Alone @ 10/9c

MTV

  • *New*Jersey Shore Family Vacation (#112) @ 8/7c
  • *New*Ex on the Beach (#109) @ 9/8c

Netflix

  • *Season Premiere*Queer Eye @ 3:01AM/2:01AMc (Complete Seventh Season Premiere)
  • *Season Premiere*The Ranch @ 3:01AM/2:01AMc (Season 3 Part 1 Premiere)

Paramount

  • *New*American Woman (#102) @ 10/9c
  • *New*Lip Sync Battle (#411) @ 10:30/9:30c

TBS

  • *New*Conan @ 11/10c

Travel Channel

  • *New*Mysteries at the Museum (#2002) @ 9/8c

TruTV

  • *New*The Carbonaro Effect (#V705) @ 10/9c

VH1

  • *New*RuPaul’s Drag Race (#1012) @ 8/7c (90-Minute New Episode)
  • *New*RuPaul’s Drag Race: Untucked (#612) @ 9:30/8:30c (30-Minute New Episode)

WE

  • *New*Growing Up Hip Hop (#404) @ 9/8c

8:00/7:00c

  • *New*Jersey Shore Family Vacation (#112) – MTV
  • *New*Little Big Shots (#308) – NBC
  • *New*Marvel’s Cloak & Dagger (#1003) – Freeform
  • *New*RuPaul’s Drag Race (#1012) – VH1 (90-Minute New Episode)
  • *New*The Four: Battle for Stardom (#FOU-203/04) – FOX (2-Hour New Episode)

9:00/8:00c

  • *New*Ex on the Beach (#109) – MTV
  • *New*Growing Up Hip Hop (#404) – WE
  • *New*Live PD (#152/153/154/155) – A&E (4 New “Police Patrol” Episodes)
  • *Season Premiere*Marlon (#203/204) – NBC (2 New Episodes Including Season Premiere)
  • *New*Mysteries at the Museum (#2002) – Travel Channel
  • *New*Nashville (#610) – CMT
  • *New*Southern Charm (#511) – Bravo

9:30/8:30c

  • *New*Live PD (#152/153/154/155) – A&E (9:31/8:31c – 4 New “Police Patrol” Episodes)
  • *Season Premiere*Marlon (#203/204) – NBC (2 New Episodes Including Season Premiere)
  • *New*RuPaul’s Drag Race: Untucked (#612) – VH1 (30-Minute New Episode)

10:00/9:00c

  • *Season Premiere*Alone – History Channel
  • *New*American Woman (#102) – Paramount
  • *New*Beat Bobby Flay – Food Network
  • *Season Premiere*Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce (#501) – Bravo
  • *New*Live PD (#152/153/154/155) – A&E (10:02/9:02c – 4 New “Police Patrol” Episodes)
  • *New*Swamp Mysteries with Troy Landry (#102) – History Channel
  • *New*The Carbonaro Effect (#V705) – TruTV

10:30/9:30c

  • *New*Lip Sync Battle (#411) – Paramount
  • *New*Live PD (#152/153/154/155) – A&E (10:33/9:33c – 4 New “Police Patrol” Episodes)

11:00/10:00c

  • *New*Conan – TBS
  • *New*Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen (#15098) – Bravo

11:30/10:30c

  • *New*Jimmy Kimmel Live – ABC (11:35/10:35c)
  • *New*The Late Show with Stephen Colbert – CBS (11:35/10:35c)
  • *New*The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon – NBC (11:34/10:34c)/li>

12:30AM/11:30PMc

  • *New*Late Night with Seth Meyers – NBC (12:36AM/11:36PMc)
  • *New*The Late Late Show with James Corden – CBS (12:37AM/11:37PMc)

3:00AM/2:00AMc

  • *Season Premiere*Goliath (#201-208) – Amazon (3:01AM/2:01AMc – Complete Second Season Premiere)
  • *Season Premiere*Queer Eye – Netflix (3:01AM/2:01AMc – Complete Seventh Season Premiere)
  • *Season Premiere*The Ranch – Netflix (3:01AM/2:01AMc – Season 3 Part 1 Premiere)

Full Schedule

  • *Season Premiere*Alone – History Channel @ 10/9c
  • *Season Premiere*Girlfriends’ Guide to Divorce (#501) – Bravo @ 10/9c
  • *Season Premiere*Goliath (#201-208) – Amazon @ 3:01AM/2:01AMc (Complete Second Season Premiere)
  • *Season Premiere*Marlon (#203/204) – NBC @ 9/8c & 9:30/8:30c (2 New Episodes Including Season Premiere)
  • *Season Premiere*Queer Eye – Netflix @ 3:01AM/2:01AMc (Complete Seventh Season Premiere)
  • *Season Premiere*The Ranch – Netflix @ 3:01AM/2:01AMc (Season 3 Part 1 Premiere)
  • *New*American Woman (#102) – Paramount @ 10/9c
  • *New*Beat Bobby Flay – Food Network @ 10/9c
  • *New*Conan – TBS @ 11/10c
  • *New*Ex on the Beach (#109) – MTV @ 9/8c
  • *New*Growing Up Hip Hop (#404) – WE @ 9/8c
  • *New*Jersey Shore Family Vacation (#112) – MTV @ 8/7c
  • *New*Jimmy Kimmel Live – ABC @ 11:35/10:35c
  • *New*Late Night with Seth Meyers – NBC @ 12:36AM/11:36PMc
  • *New*Lip Sync Battle (#411) – Paramount @ 10:30/9:30c
  • *New*Little Big Shots (#308) – NBC @ 8/7c
  • *New*Live PD (#152/153/154/155) – A&E @ 9/8c, 9:31/8:31c, 10:02/9:02c, & 10:33/9:33c (4 New “Police Patrol” Episodes)
  • *New*Marvel’s Cloak & Dagger (#1003) – Freeform @ 8/7c
  • *New*Mysteries at the Museum (#2002) – Travel Channel @ 9/8c
  • *New*Nashville (#610) – CMT @ 9/8c
  • *New*RuPaul’s Drag Race (#1012) – VH1 @ 8/7c (90-Minute New Episode)
  • *New*RuPaul’s Drag Race: Untucked (#612) – VH1 @ 9:30/8:30c (30-Minute New Episode)
  • *New*Southern Charm (#511) – Bravo @ 9/8c
  • *New*Swamp Mysteries with Troy Landry (#102) – History Channel @ 9/8c
  • *New*The Carbonaro Effect (#V705) – TruTV @ 10/9c
  • *New*The Four: Battle for Stardom (#FOU-203/04) – FOX @ 8/7c (2-Hour New Episode)
  • *New*The Late Late Show with James Corden – CBS @ 12:37AM/11:37PMc
  • *New*The Late Show with Stephen Colbert – CBS @ 11:35/10:35c
  • *New*The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon – NBC @ 11:34/10:34c
  • *New*Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen (#15098) – Bravo @ 11/10c

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If We Controlled Your Remote… 6/14/18

Have you ever been at a loss as to what to watch? Too many shows to pick from? We’re here to give you our opinions on what we feel is worth watching. Check it out and then let us know in the comments below what you’re choosing for tonight!

Phoebe’s Choice

Last week, Freeform gave us the first two episodes of Marvel’s Cloak & Dagger, and I was definitely impressed enough to start a bandwagon for everyone to hop aboard. So get yer traincore on and watch this show! This is another comic book show in the MCU, and the major departure so far has been that they gain their powers by being in the same bay at the same time that a Flash-styled “particle reactor” exploded, making them “metas.” Episode two started with a car accident scene on a wooded forest road somewhere. It was a totally a non-sequitur that will only happen in the last minute of the episode.

The chronological start of the episode was Detective O’Reilly and other cops checking the scene of where Tandy/Dagger stabbed a guy to death last episode. Tandy told her bf/PIC, William, about the stabbing, and they plotted to get her out of town. O’Reilly soon was talking to the other two men who assaulted Tandy before she stabbed the one guy through the chest with one of her “hardlight” daggers.

Later that day, Cloak/Tyrone dozed off, and in his nap accidentally teleported miles away, causing him to be late for basketball practice. So late that the coach made the rest of the team run “suicide sprints” the whole practice till he showed up. To make up for thousands of dollars her mom spent on drugs, stolen from her stash, Tandy & William targeted a wedding to steal from them. Oh yeah. In this show? Dagger is totally a thief. That’s her M.O. They were ripping off the wedding to afford her fake credentials, as she planned to flee New Orleans (where the show is inexplicably set). Meanwhile, O’Reilly was already touring the neighborhood with a sketch artist drawing of what is clearly Tandy.

Tyrone’s teammates beat him up in the locker room for making them run suicides. Afterwards, as penance, he did the sprints on his own. At the same time, Tandy’s hands glowed with power at the wedding, and she had to hide it under the table. Next she had a vision of William proposing to her – that ended in her freaking out and running to the bathroom. But there she met “resting basic face” maiden that had all the cash. She stole it, but they had to steal the “Just Married” car to get away. Tyrone had a strange vision that led him to try to shoot the scarred cop who killed his brother years ago.

Once she had her new ID, Tandy took the car and set out on her own, not wanting to deal with William’s love. Just as Tyrone was about to shoot the corrupt cop, the shadows he was in swallowed him and teleported him to the remote road that Tandy was driving on, and she veered off the road and crashed. Point, looping Counterpoint.

On tonight’s episode, “Stained Glass,” Tandy is on the run as Detective O’Reilly closes in on her, but the detective may not be after her for the reasons Tandy thinks. Tyrone is desperate for answers and turns to Evita and her Auntie Clarisse, a Voodoo priestess, for help.

Find out why O’Reilly is after Tandy tonight on Freeform at 8/7c.

I’ll also be wondering wtf Freeform is.

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Wednesday on TV – 6/13/18

Season Finale

  • Archer (#908) – FXX @ 10/9c
  • Botched (#418) – E! @ 9/8c
  • Motherland (#107) – Sundance Now @ 3:01AM/2:01AMc

Series Premiere

Season Premiere

  • Caribbean Pirate Treasure: Dead Man’s Island (#206/202) – Travel Channel @ 10/9c & 10:30/9:30c (2 New Episodes Including Season Premiere)
  • Lucha Underground (#401) – El Rey @ 8/7c
  • Ozzy & Jack’s World Detour (#301) – A&E @ 9/8c
  • The Deed (#201) – CNBC @ 10/9c
  • Wahlburgers – A&E @ 10/9c (1-Hour Season Premiere)

Sports/Specials

  • Expedition Unknown (#SP32) – Travel Channel @ 9/8c (1-Hour “Mysteries of the Vikings” Special)

New

  • American Ninja Warrior (#1003) – NBC @ 8/7c (2-Hour New Episode)
  • Black Ink Crew: Chicago (#403) – VH1 @ 8/7c
  • Brockmire (#207) – IFC @ 10/9c
  • Brother vs Brother (#604) – HGTV @ 9/8c
  • Catfish: The TV Show – MTV @ 9/8c, 10/9c, & 11/10c (3 New Episodes)
  • Code Black (#CB308) – CBS @ 10/9c
  • Colony (#307) – USA Network @ 10/9c
  • Comedy Knockout (#V508) – TruTV @ 11/10c
  • Conan – TBS @ 11/10c
  • Condor (#102) – Audience @ 10/9c
  • Full Frontal with Samantha Bee (#313) – TBS @ 10:30/9:30c
  • Guy’s Grocery Games – Food Network @ 9/8c
  • Jimmy Kimmel Live – ABC @ 12:05AM/11:05PMc
  • Late Night with Seth Meyers – NBC @ 12:36AM/11:36PMc
  • Little Women: LA (#713) – Lifetime @ 9/8c
  • MasterChef (#MCH-905) – FOX @ 8/7c
  • Misfit Garage (#606) – Discovery Channel @ 9/8c
  • Reverie (#103) – NBC @ 10/9c
  • Six (#204) – History Channel @ 10/9c
  • Sticker Shock (#108) – Discovery Channel @ 10/9c
  • The Expanse (#310) – Syfy @ 9/8c
  • The Late Late Show with James Corden – CBS @ 12:37AM/11:37PMc
  • The Late Show with Stephen Colbert – CBS @ 11:35/10:35c
  • The Originals (#508) – The CW @ 9/8c
  • The Real Housewives of New York City (#1011) – Bravo @ 9/8c
  • The Split (#104) – Sundance Channel @ 10/9c
  • The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon – NBC @ 11:34/10:34c
  • Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen (#15097) – Bravo @ 11/10c

ABC

  • *New*Jimmy Kimmel Live @ 12:05AM/11:05PMc

CBS

  • *New*Code Black (#CB308) @ 10/9c
  • *New*The Late Show with Stephen Colbert @ 11:35/10:35c
  • *New*The Late Late Show with James Corden @ 12:37AM/11:37PMc

FOX

NBC

  • *New*American Ninja Warrior (#1003) @ 8/7c (2-Hour New Episode)
  • *New*Reverie (#103) @ 10/9c
  • *New*The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon @ 11:34/10:34c
  • *New*Late Night with Seth Meyers @ 12:36AM/11:36PMc

The CW

  • *New*The Originals (#508) @ 9/8c

A&E

  • *Season Premiere*Ozzy & Jack’s World Detour (#301) @ 9/8c
  • *Season Premiere*Wahlburgers @ 10/9c (1-Hour Season Premiere)

Audience

  • *New*Condor (#102) @ 10/9c

Bravo

  • *New*The Real Housewives of New York City (#1011) @ 9/8c
  • *New*Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen (#15097) @ 11/10c

CBSAA

CNBC

  • *Season Premiere*The Deed (#201) @ 10/9c

Discovery Channel

  • *New*Misfit Garage (#606) @ 9/8c
  • *New*Sticker Shock (#108) @ 10/9c

E!

  • *Season Finale*Botched (#418) @ 9/8c

El Rey

  • *Season Premiere*Lucha Underground (#401) @ 8/7c

Food Network

  • *New*Guy’s Grocery Games @ 9/8c

FXX

  • *Season Finale*Archer (#908) @ 10/9c

HGTV

  • *New*Brother vs Brother (#604) @ 9/8c

History Channel

  • *New*Six (#204) @ 10/9c

IFC

  • *New*Brockmire (#207) @ 10/9c

Lifetime

  • *New*Little Women: LA (#713) @ 9/8c

MTV

  • *New*Catfish: The TV Show @ 9/8c, 10/9c, & 11/10c (3 New Episodes)

Sundance Channel

  • *New*The Split (#104) @ 10/9c

Sundance Now

  • *Season Finale*Motherland (#107) @ 3:01AM/2:01AMc

Syfy

  • *New*The Expanse (#310) @ 9/8c

TBS

  • *New*Full Frontal with Samantha Bee (#313) @ 10:30/9:30c
  • *New*Conan @ 11/10c

Travel Channel

  • *Special*Expedition Unknown (#SP32) @ 9/8c (1-Hour “Mysteries of the Vikings” Special)
  • *Season Premiere*Caribbean Pirate Treasure: Dead Man’s Island (#206/202) @ 10/9c & 10:30/9:30c (2 New Episodes Including Season Premiere)

TruTV

  • *New*Comedy Knockout (#V508) @ 11/10c

USA Network

  • *New*Colony (#307) @ 10/9c

VH1

  • *New*Black Ink Crew: Chicago (#403) @ 8/7c

8:00/7:00c

  • *New*American Ninja Warrior (#1003) – NBC (2-Hour New Episode)
  • *New*Black Ink Crew: Chicago (#403) – VH1
  • *Season Premiere*Lucha Underground (#401) – El Rey
  • *New*MasterChef (#MCH-905) – FOX

9:00/8:00c

  • *Season Finale*Botched (#418) – E!
  • *New*Brother vs Brother (#604) – HGTV
  • *New*Catfish: The TV Show – MTV (3 New Episodes)
  • *Special*Expedition Unknown (#SP32) – Travel Channel (1-Hour “Mysteries of the Vikings” Special)
  • *Series Premiere*Gordon Ramsay’s 24 Hours to Hell and Back (#HRS-101) – FOX
  • *New*Guy’s Grocery Games – Food Network
  • *New*Little Women: LA (#713) – Lifetime
  • *New*Misfit Garage (#606) – Discovery Channel
  • *Season Premiere*Ozzy & Jack’s World Detour (#301) – A&E
  • *New*The Expanse (#310) – Syfy
  • *New*The Originals (#508) – The CW
  • *New*The Real Housewives of New York City (#1011) – Bravo

10:00/9:00c

  • *Season Finale*Archer (#908) – FXX
  • *New*Brockmire (#207) – IFC
  • *Season Premiere*Caribbean Pirate Treasure: Dead Man’s Island (#206/202) – Travel Channel (2 New Episodes Including Season Premiere)
  • *New*Catfish: The TV Show – MTV (3 New Episodes)
  • *New*Code Black (#CB308) – CBS
  • *New*Colony (#307) – USA Network
  • *New*Condor (#102) – Audience
  • *New*Reverie (#103) – NBC
  • *New*Six (#204) – History Channel
  • *New*Sticker Shock (#108) – Discovery Channel
  • *Season Premiere*The Deed (#201) – CNBC
  • *New*The Split (#104) – Sundance Channel
  • *Season Premiere*Wahlburgers – A&E (1-Hour Season Premiere)

10:30/9:30c

  • *Season Premiere*Caribbean Pirate Treasure: Dead Man’s Island (#206/202) – Travel Channel (2 New Episodes Including Season Premiere)
  • *New*Full Frontal with Samantha Bee (#313) – TBS

11:00/10:00c

  • *New*Catfish: The TV Show – MTV (3 New Episodes)
  • *New*Comedy Knockout (#V508) – TruTV
  • *New*Conan – TBS
  • *New*Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen (#15097) – Bravo

11:30/10:30c

  • *New*The Late Show with Stephen Colbert – CBS (11:35/10:35c)
  • *New*The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon – NBC (11:34/10:34c)

12:00AM/11:00PMc

  • *New*Jimmy Kimmel Live – ABC (12:05AM/11:05PMc)

12:30AM/11:30PMc

  • *New*Late Night with Seth Meyers – NBC (12:36AM/11:36PMc)
  • *New*The Late Late Show with James Corden – CBS (12:37AM/11:37PMc)

3:00AM/2:00AMc

  • *Season Finale*Motherland (#107) – Sundance Now (3:01AM/2:01AMc)
  • *Series Premiere*Strange Angel (#101) – CBSAA (3:01AM/2:01AMc)

Full Schedule

  • *Season Finale*Archer (#908) – FXX @ 10/9c
  • *Season Finale*Botched (#418) – E! @ 9/8c
  • *Season Finale*Motherland (#107) – Sundance Now @ 3:01AM/2:01AMc
  • *Series Premiere*Gordon Ramsay’s 24 Hours to Hell and Back (#HRS-101) – FOX @ 9/8c
  • *Series Premiere*Strange Angel (#101) – CBSAA @ 3:01AM/2:01AMc
  • *Season Premiere*Caribbean Pirate Treasure: Dead Man’s Island (#206/202) – Travel Channel @ 10/9c & 10:30/9:30c (2 New Episodes Including Season Premiere)
  • *Season Premiere*Lucha Underground (#401) – El Rey @ 8/7c
  • *Season Premiere*Ozzy & Jack’s World Detour (#301) – A&E @ 9/8c
  • *Season Premiere*The Deed (#201) – CNBC @ 10/9c
  • *Season Premiere*Wahlburgers – A&E @ 10/9c (1-Hour Season Premiere)
  • *Special*Expedition Unknown (#SP32) – Travel Channel @ 9/8c (1-Hour “Mysteries of the Vikings” Special)
  • *New*American Ninja Warrior (#1003) – NBC @ 8/7c (2-Hour New Episode)
  • *New*Black Ink Crew: Chicago (#403) – VH1 @ 8/7c
  • *New*Brockmire (#207) – IFC @ 10/9c
  • *New*Brother vs Brother (#604) – HGTV @ 9/8c
  • *New*Catfish: The TV Show – MTV @ 9/8c, 10/9c, & 11/10c (3 New Episodes)
  • *New*Code Black (#CB308) – CBS @ 10/9c
  • *New*Colony (#307) – USA Network @ 10/9c
  • *New*Comedy Knockout (#V508) – TruTV @ 11/10c
  • *New*Conan – TBS @ 11/10c
  • *New*Condor (#102) – Audience @ 10/9c
  • *New*Full Frontal with Samantha Bee (#313) – TBS @ 10:30/9:30c
  • *New*Guy’s Grocery Games – Food Network @ 9/8c
  • *New*Jimmy Kimmel Live – ABC @ 12:05AM/11:05PMc
  • *New*Late Night with Seth Meyers – NBC @ 12:36AM/11:36PMc
  • *New*Little Women: LA (#713) – Lifetime @ 9/8c
  • *New*MasterChef (#MCH-905) – FOX @ 8/7c
  • *New*Misfit Garage (#606) – Discovery Channel @ 9/8c
  • *New*Reverie (#103) – NBC @ 10/9c
  • *New*Six (#204) – History Channel @ 10/9c
  • *New*Sticker Shock (#108) – Discovery Channel @ 10/9c
  • *New*The Expanse (#310) – Syfy @ 9/8c
  • *New*The Late Late Show with James Corden – CBS @ 12:37AM/11:37PMc
  • *New*The Late Show with Stephen Colbert – CBS @ 11:35/10:35c
  • *New*The Originals (#508) – The CW @ 9/8c
  • *New*The Real Housewives of New York City (#1011) – Bravo @ 9/8c
  • *New*The Split (#104) – Sundance Channel @ 10/9c
  • *New*The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon – NBC @ 11:34/10:34c
  • *New*Watch What Happens Live with Andy Cohen (#15097) – Bravo @ 11/10c

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If We Controlled Your Remote… 6/13/18

Have you ever been at a loss as to what to watch? Too many shows to pick from? We’re here to give you our opinions on what we feel is worth watching. Check it out and then let us know in the comments below what you’re choosing for tonight!

Phoebe’s Choice

This year’s version of Archer, Archer: Danger Island, has been an exciting whirlwind that is now sadly almost done. Tonight is the finale, and we have still not seen a hint of what might be going on in the “irl” world that the characters started in. Archer has been in a coma, and we’re in the second ring of Hell in his subconsciousness presumably. Last week’s penultimate episode started with Fuchs, née Cyril Figgis, leader of a Nazi troop seeking the magic idol the natives presumably have, discovering one of their men had been taken by the cannibals. They decided to call in a platoon of Stormtroopers as reinforcements.

Pam and Archer overheard that planning, so they retreated to the village and started to get them ready to fight the Nazis. After a bit of the training, Mallory showed up with Ray, Manu, Cheryl, & Crackers the Parrot. The natives thought that Cheryl was their Goddess “Kalua.” The Nazi Stormtroopers arrived with a powder that was a mix of painkillers/meth & cocaine. They all got zonked out of their f’n minds. Meanwhile, so did Pam, who was licking a frog while she trained with the cannibals. The drugs secreted from the frog enabled her to craft a crossbow from scratch.

Mallory drank a “Phlegm Sangria” as bullets zipped by when the Nazis actually attacked. She was rubbing it in Archer’s face the she was going to go find the Idol while he was distracted fighting Nazis, when her drink was shot by one on the hundreds of bullets zinging past her. She then took the gun from Archer and annihilated the German mortar battalion in about 4 seconds. After that, Archer’s crazy tactical “Battle of Endor” styled tactical approach turned out to work perfectly. Until Fuchs showed up in a Mecha suit equipped with automatic guns. Just then the old villager lady with no teeth dropped the last trap – a Return of the Jedi styled log with spikes on it that smashed Mecha-Fuchs deep into the left field of the jungle island a half mile away.

As things closed out, we saw that Fuchs was still alive and that Cheryl had finally made peace with the fact that oysters were testicles on the menu of cannibals & she dug in.

I read an interview with Adam Reed recently, and it sounds like Season 10 next year might not be the end of Archer. There is yet hope. No matter how long the show may endure, this season has been an instant classic that I think a lot of people are missing.

On tonight’s episode, “A Discovery,” Archer and the gang enter a deadly temple in search of an even deadlier treasure.
See how the season ends tonight on FXX at 10/9c.

I’ll also be watching that righteous c*nt whom I adore on Full Frontal with Samantha Bee and the ever impressive Syfy adaptation The Expanse.

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